Just roll with it

It’s been great having Sid with me on this medication adventure.

I asked him to tell me when he thinks I’m being weird, and to give me his observations on it, if he can, because I am really having trouble even sensing when strangeness is afoot. Everything seems normal to me.

He said to me yesterday that my behaviour at the time was like I always get when we go to bed, when I get hyperactive and get my own version of the midnight cat crazies, annoying him, or just laughing incessantly over the most ridiculous things. Overflowing with child-like happiness and mischief.

He said it’s the way children can live their imaginations out loud, before their parents and society deem them too old to be doing such things. Back when kids played games about witches and goblins, Transformers and Power Rangers, turning branches into swords and garden furniture into spaceships.

Apparently that’s how I am a vast majority of the time, but on this medication, it’s exacerbated; extending beyond the midnight crazies into lazy afternoon territory. Or, in yesterday’s case, From The Beginning Of The Day territory.

For me, there are certainly worse side-effects I could be experiencing. For Sid, and those who have to spend time with me, it could be a different story.

It has been disconcerting to receive that “what the fuck are you talking about?” look four times in one day, from coworkers, and it’s certainly not been easy flitting between agitated and anxious to emotionally oblivious, but overall, I feel okay about this medication.

At the moment, the positives are outweighing the negatives. I find myself more motivated at work, I can concentrate much better on completing tasks, rather than constantly switching between new, old and current tasks, abandoning them halfway through to move onto something else.

That in itself is most refreshing. My mind seems more able to focus on tasks at work, even if it is getting lost when it tries to focus on tasks for me to enjoy.

Any positive is a step forward from where I’ve been this year, so I’m just not really allowing myself to focus on the negative aspects, just keeping my mind on the positive outcomes. Whether that’s me or the medication starting to do its thing, I don’t really know. Doesn’t really matter, does it?

I’m happy with the way things are going. I have no real expectations of this medication because I’m fully aware that in many ways, it’s just a lot of trial and error. All I feel is that I’ve got to try something beyond talking now, so here we are. Starting that process. No idea where we’ll end up, but at least the mistakes that stem from this adventure will be new and different.

The same old ones I’ve been nurturing for years were getting me nowhere. These might send me off a cliff but at least it will be a spectacular view on the way down!


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