They’re just like annoying people that you’re not allowed to smack in the face.
A bit harsh? How about: holy shit, teenagers just have way too much energy and they talk more than I do, about even more retarded shit than I do… and I’m not allowed to smack them in the face.
No, but really, kids are great – just when they aren’t yours to keep.
You see, I’m 30. I’m used to ordering my world to suit me. Used to controlling my own space, either by forcing others to leave or by leaving myself.
If you have kids of your own, you can’t do that.
You mean, I have to stay here with them, even though they’re being really loud while I’m trying to daydream? Can’t they see, by my glazed eyes and the way I am draped over the couch, that I am really fucking busy right now?
Oh, kids can see, they just don’t care.
Basically, kids are me. Which is why they are inconvenient. Unless I’m also in the mood to watch The Last Airbender. Which, admittedly, I quite often am.
So again, we’re back to my original statement: kids are great when you can give them back to their parents.
I was just thinking we need to invent time-share parenthood, that isn’t divorce. Until I realised that meant those kids would have like 6 sets of parents they’d spend 2 months each year with. And that would never pass child welfare standards.
Which again makes me realise that I either really need kids so I stop being so selfish, or that I really should never have kids, because I’m so selfish.
Now do you understand why I love cats?
You can pretend you don’t know what they’re
meowing asking for, they spend a lot of time sitting/laying down quietly, all you really have to do is give them their food and they leave you alone most of the time.
Then again, I guess every parent learns to tune out.
Maybe, one day, I too will have children I can grow to lov(ingly ignor)e.